Life in grad school got better since I last blogged. I think it is fair to say that I’ve been having more fun than in undergrad. OK. Let’s just say it’s a different kind of fun. Instead of hiking in high heels on Gayley, I been actually just being pretty, girly, and environmentally unfriendly by driving my car or riding in my friend’s car to bars and clubs. I don’t think I have gone out to bars this much in my lifetime since I turned 21!! I technically go out every weekend. (<<<GUILTY>>>)
I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. At my school, professors and faculty preach self-care, and lately I’ve been feeling like self-care is going out at night. It’s been fun, and it does relieve my stress. I also used it once to celebrate that I got an A+ on my first grad paper!!! Whoopie!
(Ok so here comes the downside)
I’m really starting to worry!! It’s definitely not the usual me to go out to bars/parties this often. I’m more of a homebody. I enjoy the coziness of my home, or I enjoy doing more laid back things such as going out to the movies, going for a walk at Downtown Disney or at the Santa Monica Pierre, etc. Actually, I’m still doing some of those things with my family. But now that I’m adding the time I got out (figuratively), I’m starting to feel overwhelmed! I enjoy going out and being free and idle, and having a good time in general. What is really worrying me is that I’m not focusing enough energy and time to studying. I do all my readings and assignments, but I still have this anxious feeling that I’m doing something wrong or that I’m not trying as much as I should.
(More on today… bare with me)
I was really tired today but mostly because I stress myself more than I should. I was feeling pain on my shoulders because I was worrying about things before time. I tried to calm myself down. It worked, but I was unable to focus for the majority of class time, which was 3 hours. My mom also started working. She is not doing to well. She says she feels tired, and she felt really sick today. I worry about her health due to her previous health problems. It’s also been extremely hot in L.A., and the temporary job that she has does not have adequate labor health and safety conditions (based on what she has told me). For example, today she came home pretty much dehydrated because the temperatures at the candy factory where she is working does not have air conditioner, and the employers don’t even turn on the fans that they have. I asked my mom if they were given cold water, and she said they ran out of water, but they did go but more water for the employees. It was warm though. The work schedule is also a mess. But I don’t want to think about this right now. Labor safety and health is something that interests me, but right now I just want to be in denial for my own sake.
Life is harsh for many people, and I feel fortunate. I might not be a billionaire or even considered wealthy according to social standards but I know that I am more privileged than others. I attribute this to my education, which also makes me want to continue being more focused and help those who are not in the position to advocate for themselves.
In terms of school, I feel more accomplished tonight. I’m still worried about everything I have to do, but I finished an assignment I had been putting off because I was dreading doing it, or perhaps I was just afraid I was going to do it wrong. Tackling the assignment, however, made me feel better and more at ease. I can do this. One assignment at a time. J